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Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy
by Shakespaw
 

To go outside, or to remain within 
      And there perchance to stay,--that is the question:--
      Whether 'tis better for a cat to suffer
      The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather
      That Nature rains on those who roam abroad,
      Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet,
      And so by dozing melt the solid hours
      That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time
      And stall the dinner bell?--To sit,--to stare--
      Outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state
      A wish to venture forth without delay,
      Then when the portal's opened up, to stand
      As if transfixed by doubt. To prowl,--to sleep;--
      To choose not knowing when we may once more
      Our readmittance gain:--aye, there's the hairball;
      For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob,
      Or work a lock or slip a window-catch,
      And going out and coming in were made
      As simple as the breaking of a bowl,
      What cat would bear the household's petty plagues,
      The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom,
      The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears,
      The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks
      That fur is heir to, when, of his own free will,
       He might his exodus or entrance make
       With a mere mitten? Who would spaniels fear,
       Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard,--
       But that the dread of our unheeded cries
       And scratches at a barricaded door
       No claw can open up,--dispels our nerve
       And makes us rather bear our humans' faults
       Than run away to unguessed miseries?
       Thus caution doth make house cats of us all;
       And thus the bristling hair of resolution
       Is softened up with the pale brush of thought;
       And since our choices hinge on weighty things,
       We pause upon the threshold of decision.

      


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